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Friday, 19 May 2017

Why the strong desire for validation?

Really dont know where to begin this post but i know i have been reading about failed marriages and domestic violence and i remember having a very lengthy conversation with few colleagues and we concluded social media is playing a big role and its always the strong desire for validation

My own take was, why the need to record yourself and send to millions of people you dont know and sit down to read the validation. I always do not get that part.

Moving forward, why the desire for validation and this doesn't just happen to artist, even regular people, poor , rich, weak, strong. As much as i want to agree as humans we all need some form of validation because we are all roller coasting through different type of needs, physical, emotional even spiritual and whether we like it or not, to get validation is one of the strongest force driving mankind

I agree positive feedback about ourself, work or even events could strengthen us on the inside than negative feedbacks which might threaten our inner peace and sense of security but as for me this is where self esteem comes to play. I have always questioned people's opinion of me and ask myself they are also not perfect people so why should i accept their assumptions as right and mine wrong or why should i think they not bias. I have made up my mind long time ago to only care about what God says about me

First be your own hero before you look for heroes anywhere because when you refuse to know who you are then people will tell you who you are and even tell you your worth.

This isnt to completely rid you of getting validated but you must first make up your mind before you seek approval. Its not bad in itself to seek validation but definately never seek for people's opinion from a vulnerable state because we humans constantly need support for our many needs.

Oh, the havoc that social media does to self esteem by boosting social acceptance and giving in to society pressure is alarming these days, social media is no doubt a channel of communication and important in our daily lives but its also disturbing to realise that some people really accept the ratings of their precious lives by mere likes.

Social media is not real life thank God you know there are filters that allow users edit and brighthen their reality on social media. In a nutshell i would say any behaviour you have that is contrary to your identity,  purpose or core beliefs is because you seek approval from someone else as i like to say race isnt just black and white because we have many other skin colors.

It is nice to get the approval from others but first make sure you have self approval and respect for yourself. Remember as humans we have a natural tendency to be influenced by our own unique experiences,perceptions, motivations etc. You live in your own skin, think freely, your own thoughts and make your decisions but this isnt to say you should ignore everyone and listen to no one but you should be careful who and what you seek validation from.

Share with me your take on why humans have a strong desire for validation

Monday, 8 August 2016


DO IT AFRAID! I stumbled on this quote on instagram last week from a nigerian publisher Betty Irabor and this kept me wondering. Every one needs to know, its ok to feel fear or scared at some point

At every stage in our lives, we worry about something. We ponder on it endlessly and find the answers within us but other times we can't bring ourselves to the reality of the 'what ifs' which always bring us to the conclusion or solution of aborting the process of doing/thinking it through and finding a solution. We worry about the mountain, the rocks, the lows, the shame, the unknown. Why do we do it?  

Do it afraid is definitely talking to you. Do it anyway! Yes go ahead with the plan. Face the fear. Ignore the fear and the feeling it brings, its not real. You can only conquer it by facing it headlong. I remember just how scared i get sometimes when am trying out a new concept or idea, i have had my many failings at things but i would say i consistently fail forward always. I would say the failing experiences has always brought a greater glory or success in the long run. There's always a lesson in failure. Deal with fear that way. Look it right in the face.

Its an endless list if we go through the many things we are always afraid to do. On a lighter note, I learnt how to swim as an adult. Did i almost drown while learning? Yes! Did i quit the process because of some water going through my nose? Hell No! Do i swim like a pro now? Yes. Many successes you see today were nothing but a CONSISTENT TRIAL WITHOUT FEAR and don't beat yourself too hard. Everyone is scared of something so you are not alone, the difference are the ones who DO IT AFRIAD

DO IT AFRAID by all means. Thank God for Christ who liberates us. There is nothing and no one to fear but GOD. Take the leap and conquer the voices that brings you down. Remember to relate it to your career, life, and love and deal with every fear accordingly.

Have a fabulous August darlings. Thanks for reading and following my blog. i will keep struggling to stay consistent on blogging. Thanks for emails but also remember to leave a comment.

Pls share your fears with me

Friday, 11 March 2016

The Control Freaks In Our Lives

Is it ok to say Happy New Year in March.... Yes I guess (giggles). Missed you all so much my darlings. Got few mails from some of you asking me why there's nothing new to be read since last year. I'm sorry for my AWOL behaviour. Busy is the only excuse! Work... Home... Married life... Career has kept my beautiful fingers away from blogging. I trust you are all fabulously living life and thanking God for every blessings.

Today will be about the control freaks in the world, was on the phone with a friend who shared how controlling her boss has been and we ended the convo with how to deal with these control freaks

Control freak is someone who wants to dictate how everything should be done around them. These controlling humans could be a brother, sister, friend, boss, in-law, biz partner etc.  and they literally think the world ends at their feet. The best way out is to learn how to deal with such people who just wanna stress you out. Its all about staying calm and trying as much as possible to avoid situations if you can. These people suffer from attention syndrome and that's a big mental issue. Here are ways to handle them

Respect is a big issue for these people and don't you worry about you because its not you nor the issues they create, its simply a distrust in the ability of others to do what they expect of them. They have great expectations and have a picture in their mind of what and how things should be. Anything short of that will bring out that controlling habit. They tend to see themselves perfectly hence judging people imperfectly. They do not trust anyone can do a better job than they can and would stop at nothing to bring down who ever is a threat to their strength and interests.
They criticize everything and have a sense of superiority and power to do everything and hates when things slide outside their consent or instructions.

Seek professional help for them. This could be done indirectly especially if the person is an adult who is older than you by talking to someone who can help them see their controlling tendencies. Controlling people tends to blame other people for their own inadequacies so if the person is a boss or an older adult, you might wanna find a great way to go about professional help

You can easily identify controlling people around you if they make you feel childlike whenever they are around. They tend to ignore your skills and rights because they are out to impress their own abilities over yours.

Be aware that nice people can be bossy. Some controlling people are nice and tends to use it to their advantage because they love to be in charge. They present themselves as the voice of reason  and lets you know you are completely unreasonable. Some of these controlling people are very insecure and unhappy as a result of things not falling at their feet every time. They fight it thoroughly with all their strength

Lastly, no matter how these controlling person make you feel, remind yourself they are just one of the people in the world who know you and so you must realize your value is not derived from this person or their action and reactions. You need to avoid their behaviour as much as you can. They are toxic to your total well being and you should embrace where the love and freedom is especially if you have to deal with.

Remember to look on the bright side which may require creativity but you'll find that a bossy person who understands you have got their measure and that you wont stop being the optimistic person that you are will eventually cease to see you as a threat in their anxiety or controlling mind.

Share with me the controlling freaks you have in your life? How do you manage them?

Thursday, 20 August 2015

Find your support system and de-stress yourself today!

Hey guys, longtime no posts! Hehehe. I have been wanting to come back on here but you know how life just keeps you too busy. Yes busy is good but we should also find a balance and share our innermost curiosity. I trust you are all fabulously living life in your own way.

I had bumped into a friend last week, i saw someone trying bash me on the side and deliberately, who does that, just to draw attention? Who? Hehehe, oh well, my long time friend did! i have the most weirdest and amazing friends i tell you. She had seen me and there was no way she could hit me up but to bash me and after she got my attention i remember asking her, you could have just facebooked me! Anyway, to cut the boring story short while having a drink she shared a touching story about her work travails and how having support system can be a life saver

Having a support system is like opening up your soul to someone you trust and who has your best interest. You might wanna ask me how to find a support system in this crazy times where we all try to keep up with mediocrity and back stabbers.

You wont need to travel too far to identify your support system because all you need to do is identify the few people in your life who are always available at your beck and call, the few people who encourage you, yes, its the few ones who love you as you are and have their hearts and doors open to you for your many troubles and extravagances. People who support you have no time to judge you, they are not waiting for you to fail, they are the cheerleaders whose claps and voices resound in your down-times.

Support can come in many forms, some find in their partners, others in their family while some look for social groups to find that special connection and yes others find support from a friend who stick closer than a brother

Whoever you are, and what ever you do, find a support system for your life, it allows you share your innermost burden that stresses you. It allows you breathe easy.
Dont just keep your worries and stress all bottled up inside you. Learn to share with the special people in your life becuase it would de-stress you. Yes sharing is powerful but sharing with the right person is magical.

When last did you have a heartfelt conversation with that one person? Who? share your support system experience with me. Yes or Nay?

Sunday, 3 May 2015

Forgiving without getting an apology!

Hello 'bloghearts'! 2015 coming good? Trust you are going hard at your goals and dreams
Trust you are living and loving, Trust you are breathing and letting God. Hehehe! I have been doing all of the above cos i know you would all wanna throw me that saying 'practice what you preach' Hehehe! ok!

Reminds me how important it is to forgive without an apology. Some of you might have gone through situations where you were really hurt and hey, there you are thinking, i will just never forgive nor forget. Ok dont forget but you have got to forgive. Now, that's easier said than done.

Imagine the many scenarios of people hurting us. What makes it complex is never the act itself, its in the reaction we get from the people who hurt us and for them its always ego standing in the way of immediately apologizing and we all know the longer the time clocks on it the more difficult it is for them to apologize and for us to accept and forget but we have got to find a way to move on. Its ok to not lie to yourself about the real issue, its sometimes also ok to let them know and its also ok for you to get bitter or angry about it depending on how bitter you feel.

When you choose to release bitterness and anger when hurt, you are doing more good to yourself than the person who hurt you.
Identify the hurt, allow yourself to go through whatever pain or anger you are feeling, let go of the anger, replace it with compassion (this is difficult but not impossible)
Forgive and this means giving up your desire to revenge and letting go of your expectations that they will make amends or apologize and finally breath easy and tell yourself you are stronger than whoever hurt you. Easy right? No! But these are the only ways we can forgive without an apology.
So get to work. If you can practice these steps once, you will get better everytime. Remember forgiveness is applicable to work, family and love relationships. So lets go and get forgiving.... right away!

Share your forgiving challenges with me

Tuesday, 20 January 2015

How to keep single friends after marriage

Happy new year darlings. This is my first post in 2015. Oh! i trust you would wanna ask how life has been treating me. Well oh well.... Fabulous!!! *echo*

Life stages and the changes it brings but here,s todays question. Whats your marital life got to do with keeping your friendships. i hear people say i have no time to hang out, i have no time to call, my husband and baby take all the time. Work is more hectic than it used to be and blah blah blah. I'm gonna be a lil bit in your face and say friendships too require same work you have with that priority list

I asked few singles how they feel about their married friends and i gathered all these for the married friends.

Dont ignore your single friends on a couples date night - Yes they wanna have fun like everyone else regardless of their marital status. Don't worry about how they would feel without a partner. Its their headache not yours.

Dont bore them with married talks - They wanna be an individual and see you as one. Wear their shoes and talk freely on other things. Dont bring your spouse is great in bed stories to them. They dont wanna know as it reminds them how lonely their sexual life is. Be an individual around your single friends till they ask you questions about marriage. Dont bore your friends.

Dont be a teacher because you are married - Dont give them the 'my formula to finding mr right'. If it worked for you it might not work for them. We all know that love and especially finding and marrying and then staying married isnt some sort of formula you learn in school so let them enjoy their singleton in peace. Suggest and introduce but don't teach.

Hehehe endless you will say... what are you guilty of as a married friend to your single friends or vice versa. Share with me.

Thursday, 5 June 2014

Find out about The Boy you Date and the Man you marry!

Being in love has been said to be an exciting adventure. Talk about the thrills, the fun, the sacrifice, the laughter and a sense of companionship all rolled into one. Now the question on if marriage should be more fun than dating. Married couples have given different stories and since singles have no idea what to expect in marriage. We are gonna find out about the boy you date and the man you marry for the singles still dating and looking to settle down cos no one wants to miss out on a man for an immature boy

The boy you date wont commit himself hence he only wants to hang out and get fun or anything you can give

The man you marry asks you out on a date to shares his intention and to know if you can have a future ride together.

The boy you date talks with you on lighter levels because he cant bring himself to give u a wrong impression about the future

The man you marry will talk with you on deeper levels because he is interested in you and would like to know how you can both fit in perfectly for the future

The boy you date wont take responsibility for your moods or emotions. He's only there for a short while so he guards his own interests over yours

The man you marry will show you how he would be there for you even through your bad days and can handle your attitudes or life crisis

The boy you date will defend himself and attack you when angry to feel good about himself

The man you marry will fight you fairly and would never attack you no matter how angry he gets

The boy you date loves your looks and complains when you are looking less

The man you marry loves your soul and does not mind your bad hair days

The boy you date thinks you are his nanny and doesnt like to take his bills

The man you marry takes his bills and spoils you - because he's already a man

The boy you date isnt ready to meet your family and you are not sure you want him to meet them

The man you marry wants to meet your family and impress them

The boy you date is the perfect Mr Right in looks

The man you marry is never a sure thing. You worry if he's right and if you should settle down with him

The boy you date lets you talk but does not listen to you

The man you marry will listen to what you have to say from the major issues to tiny moments of your day

The boy you date never gives you security. You cant vouch for him or what he can be up to when you are not with him

The man you marry makes you secure and you trust him. You will always know he loves you and you two can make it through anything.

So do remember to settle for a man when its time! Share your thoughts with me and Happy new month darlings.